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beautyxmurder

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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2008|02:09 pm]
mmmmmm

still in love with sean
working at teleperformance 20 hours/week
going to school
hating idaho
love wine
cant wait to move back to az next year
still crazy
nothing has changed, except i voted for oboma
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so [Jun. 16th, 2008|08:43 pm]
im moving out on my own in 2 weeks

me and sean are moving into a town house. woo. im so excited, and kind of scared. i dont work at the credit union anymore. that was a joke. so much wrong with idaho centrals morals. theres a stupid bitch at my work that im about to punch out. a stupid a hole isnt worth my job though.

my mom has chilled out so much. shes taking over kellys day care so shes running a million miles an hour. so both of my parents are now business owners. good for them!

i get a little lonely from time to time. people here can be major major douche baggies. but i just take the few friends that i have and enjoy them as much as possible.

me and sean are still doing wonderful. me and sean are going on 17 months. woo. it feels good to still be passionate about comming home to someone after work for this long.

my brother has been going to football camps all across the country hoping to get offered. hes here at BSU with a select few others that got invited. for those of you who dont care, or just dont follow college football, Boise state university wone the fiesta bowl last year.

life is simple. i need some craziness sometimes it feels like. but we all know ive had a fair share of that.
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so... [Mar. 13th, 2008|02:41 pm]
ill be making 1600 a month starting monday.
love myself, love money, and love sean.

moms moving back to az in 1 week. bought a house on 107th and deer valley in a gated community.
peace out, biotch. get some therapy while youre gone.

have 3 friends, 2 i know from sean, other is prego.
love my friends.

seans moving in with me in 2 WEEKS
excited, scared. free rent on a million dollar 5 acre house for 3 months
love my house and privacy

going to schoool, half way done with associates.
burnt out but
love physical therapy

have i gone completely off the deep end? probably.
barely smoke
have no friends
dont get drunk
gained 15 pounds
got a great job
got good grades
got 2 wonderful dogs
got sean.
got money.
all i need is here.
1 year and 2 months soon. love sean.
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(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2007|10:12 pm]
[mood | anxious]

sean and all his close buddies are going camping for 4 days to spend a few last moments with their friend dan who is going to germany to finish his degree.

i hate it that hes leaving,could be worse, a lot worse. so while hes gone my goals are to, get my hair died back blonde, buy bed trays for food (i need 2, one for me and one for seany), get some new pillows, get one or two tattoos finally, get the other side of my nose pierced, annnnnnnd buy some new jeans, shoes, and what the hell why not a shirt.

on friday im going to utah to see my little cousins first popwarner game. woo. ill be back sunday night. then i have a whole nother day of nothing to do. this will be the first time in a while me and my mom will be doing something alone so im looking forward to it. i feel so distant sometimes now...thats what happends when youre getting married i guess?

my moms wedding is next weekend and i couldnt be more exciteddddddd. its going to be fun fun fun.

so an old, very important, friendship has been rekindled and i couldnt be happier. miscommunication is the devil. for reals. on the other hand, i hope everyones doing well.

suck it
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hmmm [Aug. 7th, 2007|10:32 pm]
so school starts in 4 weeks, so excited. im making bank at my job and i enjoy all the lovely ladies that i work with.

i was in az for 2 days last weekend, it was pretty cool. saw everyone i wanted to except tyler. i love britney more than anyone. she has become such an amazing woman, shes been there for me when my parents were together, through the divorce, all of my moves, and now shes here for my whole family for my moms wedding! moms wedding is september 9th in las vegas. i can bring a friend but i feel that theres no one in my life worth taking. and besides, my mom is going to be my number one focus (espcecially since im the maid of honor)!

me and sean just celebrated our 6 months a couple weeks ago. i love him to death, hes taught me to be such a better person. he doesnt put up with my shit, and i think i really needed a wake up call. IM SO PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY REMOVED ALL OF THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE, AND THINGS OUT OF MY LIFE. i am 1000000% happy with everyone/things that i spend my time on/with.

me and my brother hang out now, hes dating a girl that i am very very happy with! i used to be like bff with her! i love him to death and now i tell him more than i tell anyone.

im still surprised at how selfish people can be. one of my fave parts of my visit was seeing jesse, you rock! its nice visiting az and not being blown off anymore.

good day! dont let the screen door hit you on the way out.
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weee [Jul. 25th, 2007|10:37 pm]
my paycheck this WEEK is going to be about 400 dollars. im excited about that.

im very happy with my life right now. my truck is up for sale, i want a red jetta now. i love sean, and my bf mellisa, i relate to her so much. i hope everyones doing okay.

me and seans 6 months is on saturday! were going to the simpsons movie premier, sleeping in our comfy bed, and then waking up to go get an hour massage! i love living with him on the weekends.

ill be in az for like one night next weekend, britneys baby is turning 1 and i cant miss it. and work will only allow me one night to be gone so i dont think ill be doing any hanging out.

suck it.
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2007|09:01 am]
im legal now.

i love sean and his family, and my family ofcourse and i couldnt have asked for a better birthday yesterday. i got spoiled, and im very thankful.

ps, marisa, remember our party last year, oh man its weird how much everything has changed!


opening up to sean, and being loved the way that im supposed to is one of the greatest things that i have done for myself and well being.
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circumstances [Jun. 13th, 2007|08:18 pm]
i went to mexico last week. it was terrible. i got food poisoning from either american mcdonalds, mexico ice, or mexico chips and salsa. puking and pooping every where, gross i know. im not around many people here anymore and constantly being around 6 old friends in mexico drove me crazy. i love being alone now, unless im really really bored.

my life is a lot different that it used to be. ive had some struggles with males in idaho, that didnt really ever used to be an issue. but i love my boyfriend, 110%. i have a lot higher standards now, not just with guys but with people and respect. i used to let certain people use me a lot, mostly guys, and yes that was my fault but thats not an issue anymore.

i realize that when you move the world doesnt revolve around you and people dont really care anymore, they move on. i would do the same. i dont expect people to grip onto the past and to linger on to old friendships and times but some respect and care would be nice from people you truley loved and cared for ya know?

i honestly think tyler yates will be my best friend for life. im going to babysit his children. i would love for someone to come visit me up here, experience my new life. i have a pretty bad ass house and a lot of new things.

theres a million things to write but basically all im doing this summer is going to disney land, hanging out with my boyfriend sean, getting ready to start physical therapy, work, and take bubble baths. id really like to find a good book so id like it if ya could help me out there. xo
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i just need to vent [Jan. 16th, 2007|11:40 pm]
so i am no longer a resident in arizona. and i still believe that being here is a healthy decision. the choices i made, things i was doing, and the people that were starting to hate me for no reason. i didnt really feel like i had anyone but MAYBE 2 people. because in the end, its family thats there for you, not highschool friends. (no offense). everyone was getting boyfriends, i can name 4 off the top of my head so that leaves, or would leave, 0 time for little me. speaking of relationships, i can finally admit i was going for something that wasnt ever going to happen. and, another boy, the guy that ive always "loved" is now engaged, and still trying to talk to me? ah. i dont get it. the guys that want me, i dont want and vis versa. i knew if i came here id be forced to care and have some responsibility. i do miss arizona, and im supset that i didnt get to say goodbye to everyone that i wanted. the night before i had left, i was accused of spray painting a car. so even on my last night i was still dealing with everyone elses bullshit. arizona is a big competition, and i couldnt keep up. thats the truth. i was wrapping myself into things, and making myself believe things that werent true at all. one thing i do know, is that cece, and a few others have always been there for me. even if i did mess up big time. i miss cece most.

so this year, my resolution is to see things how they really are, work on myself, graduate highschool, become more healthy, and live a good life.

let it be and it is what it is. no more trying too hard, and no more convincing myself that its something its not. for those of you that made the extra effort to see me off, thanks. especially cece, comming over at 7 am. and for those of you that i didnt get to say goodbye to, goodluck with things. i dont think ill be visiting often.

xo
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(no subject) [Dec. 5th, 2006|05:41 am]
the people that i want close to me are the furthest away.

i think leaving will be good for me, and that ^ is making things a hell of a lot easier.


goodbye arizona, and this time its for good. time to get rid of all the bad habbits, and be with the person (my mom) who really loves me and will always care for me.

i dont think i ever want to come back.
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2006|05:52 pm]
last night....oh mayn

a night i will definetly remember for the rest of my life.

i love beer ;]

and booooooooooooys
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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2006|04:55 pm]
[mood | cold]
[music |ac]

in idaho...for a month. technically its a sense of therapy being here. yup thats right guys, no "drunk girl" for a month
:[ hopefully ill quit smoking while im here too. its disgusting and not to mention expensive.

chanelle listened to me bitch all night last night. i love talking with her because she gives you different advice than anyone else would, she sees things in a different perspective. <3

and marisas not comming to see me this week, this makes me sad, but i guess i understand. moneys money right?

ive totally changed this summer, but thats what life is right? change? and this summer has been the best yet, so maybe i really dont have any regrets.

still no steady boy, and im pretty sure im ready for one now. im so sick of flings. thats all that ever happends. guys will do anything to see some tits.

new lj name soon, ill post it when i can come up with something suitable.

and washington isnt in the summer plan anymore. apparently im just a sluty bitch to everyone there now. its amazing how people can spread such untrue and hurtful things, oh well, DGAF!! :]

well time for a nap, then time for my mom to spoil the shit outa me. peace.
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(no subject) [May. 1st, 2006|01:05 pm]
trashed at the kota and jfac show friday. woo. it was aight.

um a lot of boys like me right now, kinda cool not gunna lie.

no, i dont have extensions (everyone keeps asking)

i like subway and marisa.

i miss a lot of people.

i wish i was more metal...maybe?

i write a bunch of garbage in every entry.

i cant wait to see my mom in july, theres one night that im particularly excited for.

NO ONE CARES

PEACE
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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2006|09:14 am]
so prom last night...ill post pics later

it sucked to be honest.

i didnt get drunk
i had to drive around 2 annoying "men"...which one of them happened to be my date.

i got spoiled, and looked like a princess. why wasnt i treated like one?

robbie(my date) got drunk off his ass, and by the time we got to cave creek he was getting really really annoying. since this is his last prom i understand i suppose but, he was just really being annoying to everyone. he kept going on and on about how much he cared about me, and football at asu next year. it got old. so he said something that really pissed me off and i yelled at him, and stomped away, so HE FUKIN PUNCHED A TREE. his knuckles were all bloody. i was supposed to stay the night at the villas, but i just ended up comming home wayyyyy early.


im sure if i stayed it would have been fun butya, i duno. gah.

other than that, lifes great! i wuv my friends.

ps, marisa, chanelle, and lindsay cole all looked amazing.
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(no subject) [Mar. 26th, 2006|12:33 am]
no more boyfriend

moved way too fast.

ive been thinking about my old lifestyle a lot lately (not pot and partying) but going to shows and hanging out with all older kids. i really miss that. those were the good ol days. im happy now, buuuut its just funny how everything changes so fast.

i wish it was last year, then again, i never want to visit that time again in my life.
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(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2006|04:08 pm]
umm

life is good.

ive stopped smoking pot.

i have a boyfriend, and my friends are tight.

life is simple.
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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2006|09:57 am]
[mood | thankful]

so its cool when people dont ever call you anymore. i dont even care. im sick of trying to make friendships work out. thats not what i do. if they wanna be friends still, they can come to me from now on.bitches

i havent exactly been up to date with any "shows" that have been going on lately. ew. i just dont even want to go anymore. i havent even listened to 'metal' for weeks, possibly months. kmk and rap consume my car stereo.

boys that ride, hott. thats where my money is.

lauren haney, william, marisa, brittany wisely, tyler wilson, mara and random kids from school that ride have been taking up all my time. its been amazing though, i must say. life has been fun and crazy.. im sick of trying to act more mature than the highschooler that i really am. ya school sucks d, but you only go through it once. why not make the best of it? well i have been lately, and its been amazing actually.

my little brothers grown up a lot, i love him and we actually went to a party together. it was saweeeet. well gotta do my chores, this weekend was tight as hell.
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2006|05:56 am]
[mood | hopeful]

so things are supposed to change right? well things with friends are always flip flopped. but i think having a wide variety of friends is healthy, balancing them out..that's the difficult part. buuuuut what happends when the balancing out part doesnt even cross your mind anymore?

new friens lately, i still love the olds ones dearly but i hope theyre feeling the same way. if you dont have various people to chill with, thats probably gotta suck.

v day around the corner,,,yeah yeah. no valentine here, and for once its kinda botherin me. oh well, he'll show up eventually.

and basically ive been havin hella fun, livin it up. i got pretty sad yesterday though, but soon after brushed it off and had a good time.

ate at hooters last night with brittany , ive come to the conclusion that i should probably work there...

and ive spent about 130$ in the past 3 days on im not exactually sure what. i gotta have like 20 lying around somewhere! if not im definetly screwed this week.

welp that about wraps it up.

my lj name sucks d.

anyone got any suggestions for gnarley new one?
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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2006|03:05 pm]
[mood | sad]
[music |keane]

Havent written in a while..,.

(1)First off, my grandfather died tuesday. I'm glad for the 6 months that I lived in washington. I really got to create a relationship with him. What a wonderful man, and especially extremely musically talented. I definetly know who I inherited my vocal skills from. I ended up snatching trick daddy, maroon 5, KEANE(even though i already have a copy), and switchfoot out of his wealthy collection of cd's.

(2)Second, his death lead me back to Washington. Thanks grandpa for leaving me a little visit to the place that I love most<3. I did'nt want to leave WA to be honest. I won't go into detail but it's just a place where I feel different, where I feel better.
***I'll be back in Washington over spring break, probably for about 2 weeks or so.

I talked to Cameron, one of the best talks of my life. He's a great guy, and I hope that one day we can have a close friendship, until then, silence will be holding our friendship together. ps. happy 18th cam. (if you read this...)

also hung out with several different people, i swear my cheeks are still sore from laugh & and smiling so much. Especially from laughing..
i dont think there was once second when i didnt have a smile on while i was up there.

(3)Third, I got what I wanted with my most recent "love interest", now I'm not exactly interested in that way anymore...being friends is so much better. I feel accomplished though I must say.

(4) Fourth, i miss my girls. and willie!!! and everyone else that i hang out with!!!

kk thats about it.
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2006|11:37 am]
things have been really good lately.

just been livin it up, and flirting like crazy.

i actually dont dread going to school this semester, sweet friends in every class.

ive also been making a lot of new friends and changing my perspective on a lot of things, im young and need to have fun and i refuse to limit myself.

cece rules, having a class with her is definetly worth while. there's way cute boys in my first hour..cant complain. ive actually been getting ready for school, and its honestly been making me feel better about myself.

i have a job at a dry cleaner now, its not too bad at all.

megans a joy, we think alike i swear. the oc is intense as well..

ps

whats going on tonight?!

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